Boosting Self-Esteem For Dummies, UK Edition by Rhena Branch

Author:Rhena Branch
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Wiley
Published: 2011-01-11T16:00:00+00:00

Try making your own list of support needs and potential sources. You don’t need to write your list down; you can just as easily compile it in your head.

Outlawing Loathsome Language

When people with poor self-esteem give themselves a dressing down, the air can turn blue around them. We’re not talking about a gentle reprimand here; we’re talking about tearing a strip off yourself and going for the jugular.

The way you speak to yourself, the names you call yourself and the insults you hurl into the mirror are very damaging. Don’t underestimate the effect that self-directed foul language has on your sense of personal worth: it can be extremely toxic.

You may abuse yourself out loud in small ways like saying: ‘Oh gawd, I’m such an idiot’. That kind of thing can seem innocuous, but it isn’t. Even the less profane names you call yourself chip away at your self-esteem. Would you label anyone else an idiot for making a small error? Very probably not. Nor would you apply some of the stronger, more offensive labels you give yourself to other people. The abusive things you call yourself in your mind are likely to be even more shockingly offensive than those you actually utter.

You may be so used to vicious self-evaluations that they seem to happen automatically. Abusive and offensive self-talk is tantamount to giving yourself a kicking when you’re down, and it can have a subtle but profound undermining effect on your self-opinion. Such talk is rude and unacceptable. In the interest of improving your self-esteem, try obeying these simple rules:

Don’t use any profanities when you refer to yourself out loud or in your own head.

Don’t say anything to or about yourself that you know would be unacceptable to say to someone else.

Resist applying any labels to yourself whatsoever.

Comment fairly and moderately on what you’ve done but resist making any comment about yourself. For example, say ‘I parked the car poorly’ instead of saying ‘I’m a loser’.

Apologise to yourself for being rude. If you catch yourself speaking nastily to yourself, stop and put it right. Have an internal dialogue along the lines of: ‘Oops, that was offensive. Sorry, what I meant to say was. . .’.

Apologising to yourself may seem a bit daft or weird, but actually it’s wholly appropriate given how rude you’ve been to yourself. Offering yourself an apology is no stranger than verbally or mentally beating yourself black and blue. An apology is in order, so say sorry to yourself.

In Chapter 4 we include some additional strategies for changing the way you talk to yourself.

You need to start communicating with yourself compassionately. Don’t fall into the trap, however, of confusing healthy self-talk with positive thinking and trying to ‘build yourself up’. In fact, saying over-the-top good things about yourself, such as ‘I’m great’ and ‘I’m a winner’, is every bit as inaccurate as saying negative things such as ‘I’m worthless’ and ‘I’m a loser’. Remember that you’re never 100 per cent good or bad.

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